The Grinch of Halloween


Tonight, one of the bloggers I follow posted something about how her son was traumatized when he went up on someone's porch to ask for candy and the woman's dog rushed at him.  She was obviously upset, said that her son was so scared that he just wanted to go home and that the "stupid lady ruined trick or treating for him!" Apparently the lady apologized and said that she was expecting her husband instead of a child dressed as a hot dog. The blogger thought it should have been obvious that it was a small child rather than her husband, because it's Halloween.

My first thought was..."But you came to her house...uninvited..."


I don't have any candy and I don't need a vacuum.
(Image via The Grindstone)


And then I realized that that line of thinking doesn't work when it comes to Halloween.  Halloween is all about strangers coming to your house uninvited, and it's supposed to be perfectly ok. 

Except for some of us, it's just not.

Before I go into why some people...and by some people, I mean me...don't like Halloween, let me say that I don't think it's ok to open your front door and let your dog go rushing at whoever happens to be standing there. It's not safe for the guy on your porch, it's not safe for your dog, and it's bad manners. 


Polite dog = better than rude dog.


My husband and I have 5 dogs and we don't have kids. Between us, we own three businesses and we work at each one.  One of those businesses is a bar, which means being social is part of our job description. We love it and we love our customers. But, because we have a job where we're extremely social all of the time, our home life is sacred. It's not for being social. It's for our family to be alone and spend time with each other, without the outside world. We very rarely have people into our home, and we prefer it that way.

And along comes Halloween...

We don't celebrate Halloween because it's truly just not something that appeals to us. We like bike riding and bird watching and scuba diving and scary movies and Thanksgiving and birthdays and I actually LOVE dressing people up in costumes for special events...but personally celebrating Halloween...not so much. We also don't encourage trick or treaters because it gets our dogs worked up.


"I think there might be small children dressed as Minions on our porch. Please hold me."
(Image via Imgur)


 Every year we turn off our porch lights and hope that kids won't come up to our house. Because we don't celebrate Halloween, we're usually caught off guard by how early it starts, don't have our light off on time (which we prefer to keep on for safety reasons) and we end up with kids on our porch, knocking on our door, while the dogs freak out because someone is on our porch (we have not trained them out of this behavior, because we like to be warned when anyone is on our property and the dogs are a deterrent to crime). 


You guys. I am totally freaking out. You don't understand. This is not ok. 
THIS. IS. NOT. OK.
(Original source unavailable, image traced via TinEye)


When we turn the light off, we still end up with kids (and quite a few uncostumed adults with pillow cases, but that's another story...) on our porch, knocking on our door. 

So we turn off all of the downstairs lights in the house...and we still have kids on our porch. 

 Tonight, I spent Halloween with our porch barricaded, sitting in the dark, counting down the minutes until all of the kids had to go to bed.



 My dogs are traumatized by both Halloween and the 4th of July - every single year. They're my very least favorite holidays. 

I guess my point is - not everyone thinks about kids coming around asking for candy. If you're not a parent and not into Halloween, you don't prepare for it and you don't expect it. The only reason we prepare for it is because it's a bad day at our house. I can see how someone might have opened her door expecting her husband instead of a young kid. I agree that dogs should be trained not to come anywhere near the door when it's opened, for both their safety and the safety of others, but I don't think it's fair to call the woman stupid. 

She just might not have been thinking , "oh yeah, Halloween!" 

We like to leave our porch light on for safety and it's irritating to me that we have to turn it off for a holiday that we don't celebrate. I'm sure other people feel the same way. I hope other people feel the same way.

If no one else on the planet feels this way...
...that's so messed up, man.
Seriously. *

 I don't think kids are stupid for dressing up and wanting to go trick or treating. I don't think they're stupid when they come up to my darkened house. Kids in halloween costumes are adorable and I love that they love it as much as they do. Halloween is awesome for kids and parents should encourage things that are awesome for kids.


Look at this little peanut...HE'S A PEANUT!!!! So cute I want to die. He deserves all of the candy you will allow him to have. From someone else's house. Not mine. Your peanut is adorable but I don't have any candy and I really need you to get off my porch.
(Image via Halloween Express)



It's just weird to feel like a bad guy because you don't celebrate a holiday and you don't want people coming up on your porch for 2-3 hours straight.



I know. I'm the Grinch of Halloween.
(image via Christmas TV History)


So for next year, I will barricade myself in a little earlier so there's no confusion, and hopefully you guys will head to my neighbors house instead and I can admire all of your little peanuts via your facebook posts.

Except for the un-costumed grown up with the pillow case. You are NOT a little peanut and I hope someone gives you a caramel onion.


Eat it. Seriously. It's probably delicious.
It's definitely not an onion. Unless it is.
(image via Del's Popcorn Shop)


* Turns out that this guy hates Halloween more than anybody. Awesome.

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