It seems like you're doing well!

I hear this on a regular basis.

"It sounds like great things are happening for you!"
"It looks like Hey Lola is doing really well!"
"It seems like things are going really well for you!"

Which, in comparison to last year...and lots of years, actually, things are going pretty well. But I'm always a bit taken aback when people comment about how great things seem like they're going for me because...what? No. I mean...I'm building. And I'm moving forward. But I'm struggling.  And right now I'm attempting to climb a super steep mountain and the going is sooooooooo slooooooooow. And I'm regularly frustrated and feeling defeated.

I've been investing in facebook advertising for my shop, so I know that that's one of the things that makes it seem like everything is going so well - because people keep seeing my stuff in their face all of the time.  If only that always translated to sales, right? A lot of times, it doesn't. And it's really hard not to get mired down in mental loserville (You know - that awesome place in your head where you convince yourself that you're the worst thing that ever happened, ever) when you paid to get your stuff in front of a whole lot of people and NO ONE is interested.  That happens.  It happens a lot, actually. In every type of business, especially those that are just starting out.

When we owned our bar, sometimes we would sit there from open until close and no one would come in. We had to get ok with that. We had to keep going and not let ourselves get mired down in mental loserville.

Because the thing is - a slow start doesn't mean you're a loser. I mean - you started something, right? Lots of people don't even have the courage to do that.





Where was I?

OH! So, I found myself doing that exact same thing to someone the other day - "It looks like things are going really well for you!" and then I stopped.  I don't want to do that.  Social media isn't a true indicator of how anyone is doing. Yesterday, I was irrationally angry and I couldn't figure out why and I wanted to post mean and nasty and controversial things and I really wanted to pick fights...but I didn't. I put on my best social media face, and that's what I showed the world. I think I probably even posted some inspiring quote or something. Mostly because I knew it wasn't healthy for anyone for me to spread my anger around and infect the people around me with it.

But what I showed the world yesterday wasn't what I was truly feeling (even though I'm usually pretty open about what I'm truly feeling). And most people show us the best version of themselves online.  And when we see them and we say, "It looks like things are going really well for you!" we don't really give them the opportunity to do anything but keep presenting that best version...which may not be true.

So I've stopped saying that and now I just start with, "Hi. How are you doing?"

I want to give anyone the opportunity to be transparent with me. Honest. No faking. No "best" version. Just who you are, messed up bits and all. 

PS - Things aren't going really well for me...but I'm moving forward. Every single day is better than the day before, and I'm continuously grateful just to be able to say "I'm better than I was yesterday."

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