Lying with Intention

Well.

I'm a giant liar. I keep saying I'm going to blog more and then I don't. I'm going to send out newsletters and then I don't. I'm going to leave the house, attend the meeting, be on the committee, go to the party and then... I don't.

I've also been throwing the phrase "Living with Intention" around like I'm just saying "hello" for years now.

I don't even know what it means. It just sounds like I mean what I do and it's serious and I'm serious and I care and I intentionally care about what I do and what I sell and...whatever. I'm a liar. But in my defense, I didn't really know. I really did think I could do the things and I really thought that I was operating according to what I thought "Living with Intention" was. But truth be told, I heard that somewhere...probably a pinterest quote or something...and was like "yeah!" and then proceeded to lie to myself and everyone else for years after. And then I listened to this podcast episode (find it here) where the host talked about giving yourself weekly reviews and something else and something else (you guys, I can't remember shit, for real, bear with me) and then he was like "otherwise you're not really doing the things, you're just responding to the things" and holy crap.

That's me. I don't live with intention at all. I just respond. I do the dishes when there are a lot of dishes. I respond to that dirty pile of dishes. I do the laundry when I run out of clean clothes. Vacuum the floor when it starts to look dirty. Do my quarterly taxes because the deadline is tomorrow. Make new jewelry because my website is at a lull or the market season is starting soon. Go grocery shopping because we're out of food. My whole life is responding and ...no wonder I have such a hard time with everything. No wonder my anxiety is still high, even with three pills a day of anti-anxiety meds.

The thing is ...I didn't know. And this is one of those things where I really wish that someone had taught me this at a young age and then just drilled it in. But we grew up broke and dysfunctional. Planning ahead wasn't a thing, so maybe this was just a lesson meant to be learned later in life.

Anyway. I've made myself a schedule. A color coded schedule that is actually a checklist of all of the things, both business and personal, so that I can do the things before they become DO THE THINGS, OH MY GOD WE HAVE TO DO THE THINGS! And I've left myself room to not check everything off on the list because I know that I get overwhelmed easily and when I get overwhelmed my brain shuts off and then my body follows and then I'm just responding to impending disasters all over again.

Writing blog posts is actually on my checklist, so here we are. So is yoga. And vacuuming. Jewelry stuff and art stuff and tax stuff and household finances and business finances and I'm about a week in and ... so far, so good. But I can really let you know how it's going so far this Friday when I give myself a weekly review and write another blog! omg.

Anyway, check out the Tiny Leaps, Big Changes podcast because it's SO good and try that whole "do the things instead of responding to things" tactic because it's kind of amazing. For real.

Love,

Hey Lola